"PASTORAL THEOLOGY & PRACTICE" PROF. HAROLD SENKBEIL & DR. RICHARD WARNECK CAPTIONING PROVIDED BY: CAPTION FIRST, INC. P.O. BOX 1924 Lombard, IL 60148 1-800-825-7234 * * * * * This is being provided in a rough-draft format. Communication Access Realtime Translation (CART) is provided in Order to facilitate communication accessibility and may not be a totally verbatim record of the proceedings * * * * * >> NICK: Thank you. Along those same lines, what considerations are important when the pastor counsels divorced persons who desire to remarry? >> DR. RICHARD WARNECK: We can be speaking about two different parties here relative to remarriage. There is the person who was left by their marriage partner for reasons that we discussed earlier, their former partner was unfaithful to them or their former partner deserted them, so they are out of their marriage, for those reasons, which would seem, under the Lord's words and the counsel of the apostle to give them the freedom to remarry; and the other party or other situation are people who are out of their marriages for reasons other than those two as we described them as grounds for divorce, in other words, they're divorced but there wasn't unfaithfulness, there wasn't desertion. In fact, they may be out of their marriage because of casual divorce, if we can put it that way. In either case, we want to emphasize that their remarriage is a great step and should be approached with all of the thought and sensitivity that these persons are able to muster. And perhaps we would want those folks to think about some things initially before we get to the principles involved in remarriage itself. Permit me to explain. The question has to be raised about the divorce. Is the marriage that is no longer but the marriage that was, is it entirely irreparable? I realize that realistically the answer to that question is most frequently in the negative. But we are concerned about that question because even though a couple has gone to the courts and the courts have issued them a divorce, nevertheless a pastor is still in his pastoral rights, if you will, in care for these folks, after the thing has occurred to still raise the question: Is your former marriage now, is it in the least viable? And this question comes up particularly when one of the parties, at least, would still like to be in that marriage even though a divorce has occurred. The other partner, the pastor might ask, in view of the fact that your former marriage partner would still like to be in the marriage and be reconciled, is there any possibility in your heart, after going through all of this, in your heart that you might be reconciled to that person, your former spouse? I say it's well for Christian pastors to at least raise the issue. Realistically, as I said, probably it's impossible to reconstruct that former marriage, okay. But the question is raised. Next we might reflect: Is the apostle's counsel here applicable when he suggests that a person divorced would best, in the Christian view, remain unmarried? Now, our pastoral practice in the past has, in some instances, gone in this direction. I remember a lady coming with a man that she wished to marry and she had been divorced for 15 years and her pastor who was then deceased had told her, however, at that time that she was a Christian. She was out of her marriage for reasons other than unchastity or desertion, no grounds. She really should remain single. Now that's the counsel she received. 15 years later she has found a man and the two of them want to marry. This means that she's remarrying. Does that exhortation to remain single still apply to her? All of her, as you can see, Nick, gets very sticky. Well, we usually operate this way in our Lutheran ministry. If that former marriage is irreparable, if it can't be reconstructed, even though the former spouse still living, we really cannot force a divorced person to remain single, especially on this count: If it is important for that person to be married in order to lead a chaste and decent life. What kicks in here is the apostolic reflection on one's sexuality in such a way that if a person cannot live a continent life and who really needs to be married, it's probably the better part of wisdom to direct that divorced person toward remarriage rather than to remain single. There may be some other factors here, and I know I'm getting in a very, very gray area here. Some people simply cannot live alone. I don't know what to make of that. But if it is impossible for them to maintain a stable life and purchase sewer their livelihood and the like and be a responsible individual alone, I don't know what to say. Maybe the lesser of two evils, so to speak, would be for that divorced person to remarry. But we're really in a gray area here. What's very clear, I think, is in I Corinthians 7:8-9 and to a certain extent our Lord's discussion about the eunuch, there's some people who can be in that state, some people who can't. In Matthew 19 as he discussion that in a little different connection, in a little different context, nevertheless, if it is impossible for a person to be a Christian and lead their Christian life singly, maybe it would be better for them to remarry. All right. Saying that now, we come to the point now a person, a Christian's going to remarry. They're divorced. Now they're going to remarry. What things should they take into consideration? They have some accountability, it seems, in three directions and the pastor can counsel them on this. Accountability to God, accountability to others and accountability relative to themselves as a possible marriage partner. Let's just discuss it briefly. First of all, accountability to God. A divorced person, a Christian, will reflect deeply on what went wrong in the former marriage and what my part was in what went wrong. And if there is sin in the picture, as it frequently is, then a Christian wants to certainly be reconciled to God in the forgiveness and grace of God through Jesus Christ and be assured. And the pastor has to help assure that person. Those errors and those sins are in the past. And you go into your new life under the grace of God. So that's the first point. Accountability to the Lord himself. The second point is: Is the divorced person accountable to others? Meaning this. In the wake of a divorce, there are often family obligations. In the instance of a family who is a father, he has obligations to his children. Has the divorced person made arrangements to fulfill those obligations to the former family, if you will? Former wife, in the instance of a man, former children. Okay, so he's taken of those things. It's amazing how many people, however, are resistant to seeing to these matters in a responsible way. So the pastor wants to be alert to this and wants to help them on this count. The third point is: Is the persons accountable to himself or herself in this regard: The pastor should help the person ask themselves: Am I good marriage partner? What about some of the deficiencies? What about some of my idiosyncrasies? What about some of those factors in my own makeup that made it difficult for the former marriage to be a happy relationship? Maybe I better look in the mirror perhaps with a counselor and really deal with some of that so that I don't repeat the same mistakes in the next marriage. So we want to help this individual come to the new marriage as a viable marriage partner. And in that regard, a pastor will also try to make certain that the person remarrying has a positive view of what a Christian marriage is and how spouses should live together in love and honor, respect, forgive one another, forbear with one another. And that this person remarrying is ready to do just those things with the help that God gives through the Gospel. I want to close with a comment on the first point going back to accountability to the Lord in repentance. Ah, here's an area where people really like to kind of once in a while grease the wheels, Nick, if you will. And there are some misguided persons in these marital situations and remarriage situations who like to simply tell the pastor what they think he wants to hear. They will come with politically correct answers when the pastor presses them, "well, do you really see your ways and possibly the error of your ways in the past marriage? And are you dealing with those things under our gracious Lord?" Frequently people want to blow off those kind of gestures. And as I say, they'll kind of tell the pastor what he wants to hear. They'll say well they're sorry. The pastor really is looking for sincerity. Remember our basic principle. He wants to help these people do the right thing. And, boy, the right thing here is to be at peace with God over things in the past. Sometimes we need to simply say to people, "look, get your hands on the table and let's be up front and let's be honest and sincere because we're in the going to play footsie with the Lord here. These matters need to be reckoned with. And they can be reckoned with under his grace, but that depends upon our honest dealings with them under Him." be not deceived, God is not mocked. So let's not play footsie with these matters. Sometimes, Nick, you have to be just that open with people and help them so that they don't come with some insincere repentance of a sort which they want to have glossed over. Then all is lost, so to speak. This is a point that you may want to be alert to. It is discussed somewhat at length under the notion of planned repentance by the CTCR document I made reference to earlier. So do read those passages and kind of steel yourself up for those occasions when you have opportunity to counsel divorced persons and hopefully remarriage into a happy and fulfilling marriage. * * * * * This is being provided in a rough-draft format. Communication Access Realtime Translation (CART) is provided in Order to facilitate communication accessibility and may not be a totally verbatim record of the proceedings * * * * *