Full Text for Pastoral Theology and Practice- Volume 49 - Preparing a Couple for Marriage (Video)

"PASTORAL THEOLOGY & PRACTICE" PROF. HAROLD SENKBEIL & DR. RICHARD WARNECK CAPTIONING PROVIDED BY: CAPTION FIRST, INC. P.O. BOX 1924 Lombard, IL 60148 1-800-825-7234 * * * * * This is being provided in a rough-draft format. Communication Access Realtime Translation (CART) is provided in Order to facilitate communication accessibility and may not be a totally verbatim record of the proceedings * * * * >> DAVID: What's the proper way to prepare a couple for marriage? How long should such preparation take? What should a pastor expected of the couple prior to marriage? >> PROF. HAROLD SENKBEIL: Well, David, one of the most enjoyable things that I had to do as a parish pastor was to prepare couples for marriage. Notice I didn't say: To plan their wedding. I always made that point very clear at the beginning of our conversations as we talked about what we were going to be doing together. Yes, we'll get to the planning of the wedding. And that's usually uppermost in their minds, but I would simply kind of lay�out broad parameters about that, namely, that it is a worship service and that everything we do there ought to be in accord with our church's doctrine. But I would spend the main block of time focusing on getting to know this couple very, very well, listening to them and talking to them regarding the tremendous gift that they are�about to enter into in holy marriage. So, the answer to your question: How long should this preparation be? In my experience, varied widely. I would always tell couples that I expected them to meet with me a minimum of three times, probably about an hour and a half, thereabouts each time or not more than maybe six or seven times. It would be all up to them, I told them. I wanted to do two things with every couple that was getting ready for marriage. I want to talk with them very candidly about the daily activities that go into marriage. Who is going to take out the trash, for example? How will communication be enhanced and fostered? What about finances? Have you thought about children? What are your plans in that area? How will you go about caring for them? What are the roles of the father and the mother both in the home and in regards to their children? These things need to be talked about because people have all kinds of different expectations depending upon what they saw or didn't see as they themselves were children observing their own parents. And sadly, of course, many people come to us now from broken and shattered marriages and households. There needs to be a lot of therapeutic work, I think, in helping people to understand the responsibilities and the privilege of being a husband or a wife and their mutually helpful roles, but also of very different roles of husband and wife. Now, through this, underlying it and surrounding it, I wanted, above all, to teach to this couple what God says about marriage. And so we want to look at the chief texts that govern what marriage is, the definition of marriage, and how marriage is, for example, an earthly icon�of the divine relationship between Jesus and his Bride, the Church, laid out so beautifully in Ephesians chapter 5. One of the most helpful ways I discovered to provide this scriptural foundation for marriage is to look with them together at the marriage rite�itself and to use those texts, those foundational texts about God's institution of marriage as the focus of our discussion. I would even provide them with a Bible study that they could take home and use to reflect on in between our sessions. Now, in order to address those other more practical daily concerns of marriage and the home, there are all kinds of tools available. You might consult your local District office for some very good resources in that area. I myself usually use the "Prepare Enrich" materials which get at so many various dimensions of daily life in the home and the mutual relationship of husband and wife. It's one of those inventories where a couple individually checks off their priorities, their opinions regarding all kinds of aspects of marriage. These are then compiled and provided to the pastor who is conducting the wedding. And that forms the basis, then, of our discussion in so many of those practical areas. So, in other words, they're kind of a two-pronged attack. First and foremost and always, a teaching, as God's man for this couple, as a teacher of the church, you want to teach this couple what it means to be husband and wife on the basis of Scripture. And then, secondly, you want to also equip them for the long haul, how they will grow into these roles, these new and wonderful roles of being husband and wife to each other. So I think those are some things to keep in mind when it comes to wedding preparation. Remember, it's a marriage preparation. * * * * * This is being provided in a rough-draft format. Communication Access Realtime Translation (CART) is provided in Order to facilitate communication accessibility and may not be a totally verbatim record of the proceedings * * * *